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Seven Secrets Behind Interpersonal Conflicts at Work
by Jensen Siaw
"Conflicting views are only natural, but Conflicts occur when we choose to express our conflicting views emotionally." - Jensen Siaw
How many times have you encountered difficult colleagues whom you just couldn't see eye to eye with? How often have you gotten into unhappy disagreements with peers, subordinates or even your bosses? How many times have you left a job because of interpersonal conflicts and office politics that left you sick and tired?
If you are a human resource manager, a department head, a team leader or in any leadership position within your organisation; chances are you must have spent or are still spending a significant percentage of your time resolving people issues within your team. Interpersonal conflicts and office politics must have resulted in employee dissatisfaction and lower productivity at work.
Wouldn't it be great if interpersonal conflicts and people issues are reduced to the minimum, every team member works happily and supportively, and there is greater work satisfaction and enhanced productivity? Is that possible? YES! CERTAINLY! But how?
Let's first take a look at what causes interpersonal conflicts at work. Below are seven secrets behind interpersonal conflicts and office politics:
1. Differing Beliefs & Values
Who we are today is shaped by our past experiences that shaped our beliefs and values. With everyone growing up under different environments and experiences, it is only natural that our beliefs and values differ from one another. Yet because beliefs and values are what we hold dearly to in our hearts, it gets very disturbing when our colleagues' speech and behaviours are not in line with our beliefs. Thus conflicts occur.
2. Differing Expectations & Blueprint
Because we have different beliefs and values, we also expect things to be done differently. In our minds, we have "blueprints" of how various things should be handled and managed. Should we perceive that a colleague speaks and behaves in a manner not congruent with our "blueprints", we start to place judgments on him. When we judge and stereotype a person, it is just so easy to find fault with him, isn't it?
3. Differing Objectives & Interests
Almost everyone is in a job for the core reason of earning money. However, we get into the same job with different objectives and interests. Some people want to carve out a career and thus go the extra mile, while others just want to make a living and only do what is required.
Some people focus on the collective interests of their team, but others hold on very strongly to their personal interests.
4. Differing Needs & Priorities
People arrive at the same organisation with different needs. Some of us are looking to fulfill our need for significance and thus proactively get into the good books of bosses and take the lead in projects; others want to fulfill their need for security and so just diligently work on what they have to deliver and remain low profile.
Some staff may place family as top priority, but their managers value career more importantly and frown upon them leaving work on time or taking time off for kids.
5. Differing "Mode of Operation"
According to Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), people receive and process information and events differently in their brains and thus "operate" differently. Some of us communicate visually and say "I hope you can see my point", while others communicate kinesthetically and solicit feedback by saying "Do you get a sense of what I am trying to say?"
This is akin to two individuals of different personalities or speaking two different languages. When that happens, miscommunication takes place and conflicts can occur.
6. Psychological Transference
As human beings, we unconsciously project our judgments on others. In our childhood and teenage years, we must have placed judgments and have unresolved negative emotions towards some figures in our lives. When we grow up, we carry all these with us to our relationships and workplace.
Therefore, when a colleague says something or behaves in a way that reminds us of that particular person whom we have judged or feel negatively towards, we project the judgment onto this colleague and feel the same negative emotion. When emotions come into play, conflicting views become interpersonal conflicts.
7. Lack of Emotional Intelligence and Emotions Mastery
Because emotions play a huge role in fuelling interpersonal conflicts, someone who lacks emotional intelligence and do not know how to manage his emotions could get into conflicts with colleagues easily. Driven by negative emotions, differing views could escalate into open arguments, hidden sabotages and destructive office politics.
Reconising the importance of emotional intelligence, multinational corporations have been investing in emotional intelligence training and coaching for their staff. They usually walk away with a more in depth understanding about emotional intelligence, but not really dealing with their negative emotions.
Having identified the seven secrets behind interpersonal conflicts, let's discuss briefly on the "HOW" - what can be done to resolve interpersonal conflicts at a transformational and deeper level:
1. Empower Minds
Help staff to discover more about themselves so that they understand why they think, feel, say and behave the way they do today. With this understanding, there will be more empathy amongst colleagues and everyone is encouraged to take personal responsibility for his own thoughts, feelings, speech, behaviours, performance and results.
2. Empower Hearts
With staff taking personal responsibility for own emotions, empower them with emotions mastery methodologies and techniques to deal with their negative emotions as they arise. The key here is to face and resolve the emotions, not suppress or pretend they do not exist. The latter will result in destructive team dynamics and undesirable team performance.
About the Author
Sharing by Jensen Siaw, Founder & Principal Personal Empowerment Trainer of SPEAK For Life Training Pte Ltd. As an Executive Coach and Personal Empowerment Coach, Jensen has empowered professionals, managers, entrepreneurs, media personalities, parents and youths in achieving GREATER JOY, PEAK PERFORMANCE and BREAKTHROUGH SUCCESS through seminars, workshops, talks, personal coaching, therapy and radio shows. Contact Jensen at eCoach@SPEAKForLife.com or mailto:eCoach@SPEAKForLife.com
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